This is the actual transcript of a real life text conversation a few weeks ago between me and ghettobarbie:
GB: I'm fixin to go drunk walking. day has been full retard. every member of my family has pissed me off and there is no more wine in the house!
Me: Oh honey, I am convinced that the only way to get through my life is to become an alcoholic
GB: It's at the point the guy at 7-11 is starting to look at me all judgmental, and I'm like............what???
ME: Maybe you shouldn't be flashing him your boobs for free wine
GB: Well there is that. Good thing I live near the trailer park. They get me, they don't judge
ME: Oh sure they do, they call you high falootin because your house doesn't have wheels
GB: Yeah, bigots!
GB: I'm not apple or pear shaped I think I'm more like an avocado
Me: I think I'm more eggplant, without that flower thing on top
GB: But I feel more like a jalepeno........slightly bent. Oh seriously? That's not good.
Me: What's wrong with eggplant shape? Bent like drunk? Or bent like hunched over?
GB: Nothing, but don't you have to have that thing on top? What the hell is that?
ME: You have to remember that I have not been drinking so it takes me longer to catch up.
GB: Um, like something might be broken
ME: And there are no rules. I laugh in the face of eggplants without things on top. Eff 'em.
GB: Oh drunk testing is safe unless it's trash day.....fuck.......just ran into the trash cans
ME: They're plastic and you have children. Just put a sign on them that says the kids did it.
GB: Neighbor said hi but in a pathetic/I feel sorry for you way, not a wow you're hawt way..............bastard
Me: Ever heard of a sympathy fuck? Oh and I'm totally saving this conversation for our blog.
GB: No, and I need to pee and I'm looking for a big enough bush. If I fart, sneeze, or cough right now, it's all over.
Me: Well Hmm, open the two car doors and pee in the driveway. The rain will wash it away. Unless of course the car is in the garage. Sirworksalot may get pissed off.
GB: He won't know.
Me: Again.....Blame it on the kids.
GB: AHHHH, found a new home under construction..........peed in the back yard. It's all good!
And the answer is, yes, she's always that funny, I have no life and all of us crack each other up.