Saturday, January 30, 2010

I have a secret

I have a secret.

A secret that I just recently found out myself.

A secret that when I tell others, they agree it is shocking and that they have never heard of this before.

Women of the world should be pissed off that no one has ever told them or shared this secret before.

So as a public service announcement, I will now share the story of how I found out the secret.

A few weeks ago, I'm at the OMG/private parts ologist, girlie parts doctor. He gets down there inserting things in places and mashing around. So he says "Do you like your hair like that?"

I think to myself , what the hell did he just say??? And is he talking about va jay jay hair or my beautician styled hair up top?

So since he's at the party end of my body, I assume he must be talking of party hair style.

So I say "I guess."

Him: "I was just asking because we have a laser hair removal person now and she can laser it that way permanently"

Me: "Well, I'm not sure if I want to keep it that way forever. I mean when I'm 80, I may not want it like that."

He says very nonchalantly, as if everyone knows this: "Oh , it will have all fallen out by then."

Holy shit! I knew your hair thins as you age but NOBODY evah told me that your va jayjay hair falls out! I spend my whole life trying to keep things under control down there and low and behold , I will be smooth as a baby's butt about the time I break my hip walking from the kitchen to the bedroom and only have sex once a year or maybe on holidays.

How is this fair? Why has no one mentioned this before? This should be public knowledge!

My friend says we don't know because we aren't friends with 80 year old women. And even if we were, we probably wouldn't ask them the status of their pubic hair.

So my work here is done. You are now aware. Go ask your grandma.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Where the hell is Wii Sex?

They have Wii fit and Wii baseball, but where the hell is Wii Sex? I could go for some Wii sex. I am sick of breaking up with the shower head. I need something interactive, is that to much to ask for? Sheesh...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Out of Order

No slap happy for mammasita last night. Sirworksalot was distracted by his Allergies. More interested in his bottle of Nasonex than a bj......this day is going to suck ass...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Obama and the Star Spangled Banner

So, I sit here trying to listen to the Obama, State of the Union Address and my kids are singing the Star Spangled Banner.

I seriously wish someone would stick a hot poker in my ears. My kids sound like someone is hurt or dying.

Screw the economy, damn it. My ears are bleeding here.