Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Yes, he sucks, and he's all mine

So was reading a blogger (barefootfoodie) and she discussed her husbands terrible gift buying. I actually snorted reading that post. I will totally put her husband up against mine when it comes to sucky gift buying, ANY DAY!! You hear that Brittany? BRING. IT. ON!

I have told everyone who would ever listen that I truly have probably the most fucked up gift buying husband there is.

First of all, he waits until the day of, or if I'm lucky, the evening before to say "What do you want for (insert romantic, gift buying holiday here)? And I have to come up with something that he can get at the only open store on Christmas Eve.

Meanwhile, throughout the whole year, I'll just randomly see something and point it out "Oooo, babe, I'd really like that pair of Carlos Santana shoes" or some shit like that. Now as someone with a vagina, I actually pay attention when the LOVE OF MY LIFE says he'd like to have something. Mental note to myself to get said item at the next gift buying holiday.

Not my lovely husband. Oh no, Walmart on Christmas Eve? You bet your ass he's there. Never mind that I am the ONLY person he has to buy gifts for. I buy for his family, my family, the kids, the dog, strangers, you name it. He has one person to buy for and that's it. Now I know what you're saying. You're saying "Collin County Chick, you are such an awesome and amazing person I think it would be so easy and fun to buy for you." And I say, you are right. I'm pretty fucking easy (hence how I got my husband) and amazing. Now, that kind of loveliness doesn't require massive quantities of jewelry (hells bells I've never been able to spell that word), nor do I need a new Infiniti G35, black with tinted windows. OK I do, but I realize that is what I want, not what I'll ever get.

He has NEVER EVER bought me clothes, or anything else that requires him to do any thinking of any fucking kind, either head. The sad thing is, he can look at something and immediately know that I will or won't like it, 99% of the time. Doesn't matter what it is. So he knows me, or at least I hope so after almost 20 years of wedded bliss.

I actually one Christmas showed him the sale ad, circled it, gave it to him, and told him where it was in the store. Boo fucking hoo. Here's normally what I get. Costume jewelry and books from WalMart. I read, I LOVE to read. I wear costume jewelry, love it, couldn't live without it. BUT, seriously? Every holiday? Not even Sam Moon, Kohls, or Target costume jewelry. Nope just Walmart. Why does he love Walmart so you ask? Because it's across the street from our fucking house almost!

My BFF actually called him before this last Christmas and told him to go get me some stocking stuffers. Mine is always limp, sad and empty on Christmas Day. Whine, whine. This year, he totally rawked it out. Bath and Body works goodies, lip gloss, etc. etc.

Now, here's the deal. He's un-freaking believable at other things. Fixing things, mowing the lawn, sex, dishes, taking care of the kids, sex, helping out my crazy ass family, sex and putting gas in my car, among many others. And besides, if he puts up with my CRAZY ass, he's pretty good.

I have realized though that really good gift buying husbands are kind of pansies. So maybe I'll stick with the real man who sucks at gift buying.


  1. He's good at SEX woman! Who gives a crap about gifts? ;)

    Besides, don't wait for someone to get you something you want. I've never understood this way of thinking. Just go buy that shit yourself.

  2. haha! its the REDNECK in him. Thank goodness he's good at all that other shit. I go out of my way to buy my Ex's NEW wifey a Mothers Day card every year from the boys cuz I know his ass aint gonna do it. I was married to him for 14 years so I know. Damn! I probably need to start buying her birthday presents also. Shit!